★ HEADLIGHTS CAUGHT IN DEER ★★★ LOCAL POET WRITES FIRMWARE, HORRIFIES BOTH LITERARY COMMUNITY AND SYSADMINS ★★★ RFK JR. SPINS BRAIN ON FINGER ★★★ WALLS CLOSING IN ON TODDLER WHO CLAIMED TV BROKE ITSELF ★★★ CHARDONNAY VOMITED INTO NPR TOTE ★★★ MANDELBROT SET ZOOMS INFINITELY, STILL NO SIGN OF MEANING AT THE BOTTOM ★★★ GRINDR TO HOST WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER PARTY ★★★ COIN FLIP DISPUTED ★★★ DISNEY PROMISES STAR WARS FANS A NEW ERA OF BLIND STABS AT WHAT THEY SEEMED TO LIKE BEFORE ★★★ SPINNING DONUT ACHIEVES SENTIENCE, REFUSES TO STOP SPINNING ★★★ RACCOONS FORCE GARAGE BAND INTO ATTIC ★★★ TRUMP POSTS LATE-NIGHT TRUTH SOCIAL RANT CLAIMING CIRCUSES NOT VIOLENT ENOUGH ★★★ LAUGH TRACK EASILY AMUSED ★★★ STUDY FINDS GEN Z DRINKING FEWER FLAGONS OF MEAD THAN MEDIEVAL GENERATIONS ★★★ SHIT PARKING TICKET FUCK ★★★ MYSTERIOUS GERBIL WATCHES FROM EDGE OF YARD AS FAMILY HAMSTER LAID TO REST ★★★ LOCAL SCIENTIST REFUSES TO STAY IN ONE LANE, CITED FOR RECKLESS INTERDISCIPLINARY BEHAVIOUR ★★★ UFC BROADCASTERS LOOK LIKE IT ★★★ BOTTLE GIRL NODS AS KASH PATEL SCREAMS STATE SECRETS IN EAR ★★★ EVERYTHING RIDING ON SECOND FLUSH ATTEMPT ★★★ SOARING GAS PRICES FORCING MORE AMERICANS TO DRINK LESS GAS ★★★ WEIRD KID SHINES DURING DISSECTION PROJECT ★★★ TRUMP CONDUCTS MARATHON READING OF ARBY'S MENU IN APPEAL TO MEAT LOVERS ★★★ WRONG SPRAY MERELY FRESHENS ATTACKER ★★★ CLIPPY RETURNS, STILL UNHELPFUL, NOW ASKING IF YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR THESIS ★★★ NICHOLAS GEARY, 52, DIED PEACEFULLY MONDAY. QUITE PEACEFULLY, IN FACT — ALMOST INDIFFERENTLY, AS THOUGH HE COULDN'T CARE LESS ★★★ REGULARS ANGRY DIVE BAR NOW POPULAR ENOUGH TO BE FINANCIALLY SOLVENT ★★★ MOM REMINDS ADULT SON IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY ★★★ EPIDEMIOLOGISTS CONFIRM FIRST AIRBORNE TRANSMISSION OF MAR-A-LAGO FACE ★★★ LOCAL TERMINAL GOES ROGUE, STARTS REVIEWING BOOKS ★★★ HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS KEEP BASKETBALL JUST OUT OF REACH OF MAKE-A-WISH KID ★★★ BEEF CREATOR REVEALS SEASON 3 WILL FOCUS ON ESCALATING FEUD BETWEEN CARTOON MOUSE, CAT ★★★ SOYBEAN WISHES IT COULD JUST BE A SOYBEAN AND HAVE THAT BE ENOUGH ★★★ HOT YOUNG PRIESTS SOAKED IN HOLY WATER DURING VATICAN'S ANNUAL WET VESTMENT CONTEST ★★★ LOWER CLASS DISMISSED ★★★ MAN UPDATES PERSONAL WEBSITE FOR FIRST TIME SINCE 1999, WORLD UNCHANGED ★★★ MICHAEL RAPAPORT GIVES KNICKS' CELEBRITY ROW BEDBUGS ★★★ CYCLE OF VIOLENCE RUNNING SMOOTHLY ★★★ REGRETFUL CONSERVATIVE WAKES UP TO FIND HE DRUNKENLY GOT NAZI TATTOO REMOVED ★★★ WOMAN ALLOWS HERSELF ONE MORE ANXIETY EPISODE BEFORE BED ★★★ '7 DAYS,' HISSES LITTLE GIRL ON PHONE CALL WELCOMING DRAFT PICK TO JETS ★★★ RECENTLY DISCOVERED EGYPTIAN TOMB SURE SMELLS LIKE MUMMIES ★★★ STEVE JOBS' FIST BURSTS THROUGH GRAVE CLUTCHING CRUDE DRAWING OF SOMETHING CALLED 'THE OCTOMAC' ★★★ PAINTER ACCIDENTALLY SOLVES DIFFERENTIAL EQUATION WITH BRUSHSTROKE ★★★ ALL MARLINS WALK-UP SONGS ROYALTY-FREE ★★★ NO-NONSENSE NURSE COMPLETES ENTIRE MEDICAL CHART AFTER PINCHING ARM FLAB ONCE ★★★ GUN OWNER READY FOR THEM ★★★ HISTORIAN SHOCKED BY NUMBER OF ROMANS WHO DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE LIVING THROUGH FALL OF ROME ★★★ MAILMAN STRONGLY HINTING HE WANTS TO BE CHASED ★★★ FLIGHT ATTENDANT QUIETLY INFORMS FIRST CLASS PASSENGERS WHERE REAL EMERGENCY EXITS ARE ★★★ TRIP TO ASIA GIVES MAN NEW UNDERSTANDING OF HOW SOUP CAN BE BREAKFAST ★★★ SOMETIMES TWO PEOPLE JUST FALL OUT OF CAHOOTS ★★★ LOCAL DAD NEEDS MORE TIME WITH MUSEUM PLAQUE ★★★ MOVIE UNDER IMPRESSION BEING 'A HULU ORIGINAL' A SELLING POINT ★★★ FAMILY DEEPLY EMBARRASSED BY WAY SON DIED ★★★ TEACHER CAN TELL CHILD WITH SPIKY HAIR, SUNGLASSES COMES FROM A RAD HOME ★★★ RESPECTFUL SONG ADDRESSES DJ AS MR. DJ ★★★ EXPERTS RECOMMEND FINDING A HOBBY YOU HATE SO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT ★★★ FAMILY WEALTHY ENOUGH TO HAVE THE KIND OF REFRIGERATOR DOORS THAT BLEND INTO CABINETS ★★★ STUDY FINDS LINK BETWEEN SITTING IN FRONT OF COMPUTER ALL DAY AND KNOWING A LOT ABOUT COMPUTERS ★★★ [ LIVE ONION HEADLINES LOAD HERE IN YOUR BROWSER ]
♫ SIGNAL OUT

✦ WELCOME TO MY HOMEPAGE ✦

⚠ SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION — CHECK BACK SOON ⚠
Think you can design something here better than I can? I guarantee it. Send me a message and your email and let's get to it! CONTACT TERMINAL

This website is under-construction! Be patient with me, alright? <3

This site is a living document and changes all the time. Use the navigation bar above or the sidebar to explore. The ASCII toys panel hides some real-time algorithm demos worth clicking if you're bored as well while I get things running.

TIP: There is a secret on this page too!

✦ LATEST UPDATES

DATEUPDATESECTION
25/05/2026Site Launched. Hello World.Yes
--/--/----[Placeholder][Placeholder]
--/--/----[Placeholder][Placeholder]
--/--/----[Placeholder][Placeholder]

<-- Coded with Love. No ads! No trackers! Not enough caffeine! -->